The brain is continually transforming itself.  One of the most powerful tools of transformation is our relationship with the person we love the most. As we spend time with our loved one, we change. Our brains re-wire.

It starts when we fall in love. Affection and physical intimacy trigger a blast of the hormones of attraction and attachment. We start to see the world through the eyes of another. We try new foods, embrace new rituals, and consider new ideas.  Their opinion matters. Their positive feedback buoys us. Their negative feedback deflates us.

The mere sight of our beloved brings pleasure and serenity.

In one study a brain-scan was performed on people in love; both long-married couples who described themselves as still “madly in love and those newly in love. For both groups, staring at a picture of their beloved lit up the pleasure centers of their brain.  But herein lies the difference – The brains of the long-married couples not only registered pleasure, they also registered calm. [Not so for the newly in love.]

When being touched by our beloved we feel comforted.

Studies show that merely holding our partner’s hand is enough to subdue our blood pressure, ease our response to stress and soften physical pain.

In one study, an electric shock was administered to the ankles of women in a happy, committed relationship. Tests registered their stress and pain level during, the shocks.  Alone, there stress levels shot up, and they felt the full impact of the shock. When shocked again, this time holding the hand of their beloved, they felt significantly less pain and stress

Loving relationships make us feel safe. This changes our lives. When we feel safe we can let down our guard, take risks and become that person we were designed to be.

On the other hand, if rejected by our loved one, we feel pain [literally].

The same areas of the brain that register physical pain are active when we sense that the ones we care about are displeased and avoiding us.

There is a cautionary tale in these studies. Choose wisely. Your relationships are the most powerful predictor of success and joy in life.  Our relationships rewire our brains. As our brain is re-wired, our lives are transformed.

PERSONAL NOTE TO THOSE WHO ARE IN TROUBLED RELATIONSHIPS: All solid relationships weather difficult times. I have been married for 37 years, and am deeply in love with my husband. Our first 7 years were very difficult. Reading an article of this nature might have actually made us feel discouraged, rather than encouraged. Fortunately, we worked through those difficulties, and I am thankful we did not give up. 

If you are stuck in a relationship of continual conflict, seek out the help of a relationship counselor through your local church or professional community. If the two of you are motivated by love and a strong desire to do better, sound counseling can help you weather this difficult time.

You’ve practiced. You are ready to give that speech, or play that piano recital or take that test. Yet when the pressure is on, you flounder. Your mouth goes dry and your throat tightens when you are handed the microphone. Your fingers become like sausages when you sit down at the piano. Your draw a blank when you look at the questions on the test.

It’s called choking.

Choking is defined as – not performing at optimum capacity under pressure. I am not talking about the anxiety that results from not being prepared. I am talking about freezing up even though you have practiced or studied and are ready to perform.

 It’s real. We choke under pressure due to the effect of stress on our thought processes. Some of us are more prone to it than others, but there are research-supported techniques you can use to prevent it.

JOURNAL BEFORE A STRESSFUL EVENT:  Writing down your thoughts when you are facing a stressful situation, clears away the anxious thoughts and regulates the stress hormones.

GRAZE ON REAL FOOD.  Your brain is a 3 lb. hog.  It eats most of what you eat. This means your food dramatically affects your brain function. Sugar spikes and cells gummed up with the wrong kind of fats [heated, hydrogenated fats and too much saturated fat] reduce brain power.  When you need to perform well, graze on small amounts of good food, mostly vegetables and lean proteins throughout the day. Avoid sugary, processed foods. This will provide a steady stream of nutrients for the brain. Also be sure to drink at least 8 glasses of water.

MEDITATE AND PRAY. Research shows these practices calm your soul and heal your mind. Stress damages your memory, your motor skills and your ability to make decisions. Ultimately, this will affect your ability to perform at optimum capacity.

SPEAK POSITIVE AFFIRMATION. Words have power. We are continually carrying on conversations with ourselves. If we speak positive things to ourselves it stokes our confidence. Confidence improves performance and makes it less likely that we will be choked by anxiety.

CREATE WORDS THAT POISE YOU FOR ACTION [but not too many!] In one study some skilled golfers were instructed to perform putts in three different ways. Players in the first group focused on three words related to physical technique (such as “head,” “weight” and “arms”); the second group focused on three words that had nothing to do with the putt (for example, “red,” “blue” and “green”); and the third group focused on a single word that described the putting motion (such as “smooth”).

 Initially, the golfers putted in a low-pressure situation, and most of them did well. The pressure was increase by offering a money reward for performing well. Major differences surfaced between the 3 groups.  Those who were utilizing just one word – smooth – performed better than those who were using a number of words to monitor their performance.

PRACTICE UNDER PRESSURE. Ratcheting up the pressure at your practice sessions is the best way to avoid choking when it counts.  Before making a speech, practice in front of a video camera and let a friend review it. Play a sport with someone more skilled than you and ask for feedback. This will trigger the anxiety that you are likely to experience during the actual performance. Exposure beforehand will diminish the stress-response when the time comes.

DON’T SELF-MONITOR. The part of our brain that is most involved in learning a new task is the cerebral cortex. When you play a piece of music, rehearse a speech or practice a sport over and over again, you gradually transfer the control of that activity from the cerebral cortex to another area of the brain – the cerebellum. To perform well, you need to stay in the cerebellum supported “zone”. If you are continually ‘checking your progress’ you are engaging another part of the brain. This will bog you down and choke you. Too much self-monitoring hinders performance. 

In sum, if you want to perform optimally, prepare your mind, your emotions and your body and when the time comes to perform, just do it. And do it with all your heart.

Fatigue by definition is exhausted energy. It can be a ‘red flag’ warning of a potentially serious health condition such as anemia, thyroid malfunction, heart disease, infection, or a chemical imbalance. But for most, according to the National Institute of Health, fatigue is related to a poor diet and lifestyle.

Once fatigue-producing disease is ruled out, it is time to connect the dots between your fatigue and your diet and lifestyle choices. To reverse it, you need to replace energy-exhausting behaviors with energy-stoking alternatives.

There are 4 energy sources in your life: physical, emotional, mental and creative. Each one needs to be addressed to optimize your energy level.

TO MAINTAIN PHYSICAL ENERGY- BALANCE YOUR BLOOD SUGAR
Blood sugar is the bodies’ fuel. A car without fuel or filled with the wrong kind of fuel will sputter to a halt. This is also true of your body. Not eating enough, eating too much or eating unhealthy food will zap your physical energy and pack on the fat.  Here are some helpful hints to optimize your physical energy.

- Eat a healthy breakfast within 60 minutes of rising.
- Eat small meals and snacks every 3 hours.  
- Drink 2 quarts of purified water each day.
- Reduce the white stuff: sugar and flour and refined grains. 
- Sleep 6-8 hours a night.
- Take brief 'movement' breaks throughout the day. [2 minutes of stretching or walking up stairs]
-  Exercise 30 minutes a day

TO MAINTAIN EMOTIONAL ENERGY – RESPOND RATHER THAN REACT TO FRUSTRATION
When we become reactive, striking out at life’s frustrations, we create chronic stress in our lives. This not only destroys relationships, but it destroys our health. Here are some helpful hints to optimize your physical energy.
- Defuse negative emotions with deep abdominal breathing.
- Fuel positive emotions through positive affirmations.
- Make it a habit to express appreciation and encouragement to others.
- Develop an action plan for overcoming challenges. Example: If debt is draining your emotional energy, develop a debt reduction plan and stick with it.
- When challenged by a person or circumstance, instead of viewing yourself as the victim, use a different lens.
      - A reverse lens - What can I learn and how can I grow from this challenge?
      – A long lens – How will I likely view this challenge a year from now?
      – A wide-angle lens - What positive outcomes in my life can result from this challenge? 

TO MAINTAIN MENTAL ENERGY – MANAGE YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION
Energy can be dissipated through lack of focus or being overwhelmed by mounting demands. Inefficiency drains your energy stores. Here are some helpful hints to optimize mental energy
- Reduce interruptions by performing high concentration tasks away from the phones and email
- Respond to voice mail and emails at designated time during the day
- Every night identify the most important challenge for the next day. Then get it done first thing in the morning.

TO MAINTAIN CREATIVE ENERGY – SCHEDULE JOY INTO YOUR LIFE.
Drudgery depletes us. Doing what we love to do, energizes us. Here are some helpful hints to optimize your creative energy.
- Identify activities that give you a feeling of effortlessness and fulfillment. Do more of these.
- Delegate the things you do not like to do – to people who do like to do them.
- Review your day and ask the question, "Did my activities reflect who I am and what I want to accomplish in life?"
- How can I reduce activities that take me away from my life purpose and increase activities that move me toward it?   

Forming these new habits will not only stoke the energy you need to get through the day, but they will also stoke the passion and sense of purpose you need to live a life without regret.

What do pop-artist, Andy Warhol and evolutionist, Charles Darwin have in common? Both were hypochondriacs. A hypochondriac is someone who is preoccupied with their body and perceives ever pain as sign of a serious illness. They think they are ill, but they are not. It is ‘in their head’ so to speak..

Unfortunately, the definition of hypochondria is often extended to mean, anyone who hurts and the doctor cannot figure out why. Obviously, just because standard tests do not reveal illness, does not mean it doesn’t exist. It could mean, the illness is difficult to find.

One of these ‘easily dismissed’ diseases is fibromyalgia [FM]. Fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder that manifests with a long list of symptoms including chronic pain, fatigue and depression. The pain is FM has been described as more severe than the pain of rheumatoid arthritis. [Journal of Rheumatology.]. Due to the difficulty in assessing the disease, those who suffer from FM are sometimes dismissed as hypochondriacs or given a misdiagnosis.

The lack of understanding of the disease often leads friends, family and even health professionals to offer well-meaning but misguided advice.

MISGUIDED ADVICE: You just need to get in shape.

Exercise will not cure FM. Research indicates that anyone who is "cured" of FM by an exercise regime alone, were often misdiagnosed, and were found to be suffering from clinical depression and other disorders, which mimic many of the signs of FM

Exercise can actually exacerbate symptoms. Research shows that temperature and cerebral blood flow increase when a healthy person exercises. They actually decrease in those with FM. [J Rheumatology]

MISGUIDED ADVICE: You needs a psychological evaluation
FM is not a psychological aberration. There are actually a number of biological abnormalities that present in someone who has FM, that do not happen with psychiatric conditions including:

• Decreased blood flow to specific areas of the brain, particularly the thalamus region, which may help explain the pain sensitivity and cognitive functioning problems experienced by Fibromyalgia patients.
• High levels of “substance P,” a central nervous system neurotransmitter involved in pain processing.
• Low levels of nerve growth factor.
• Low levels of somatomedin C, a hormone that promotes bone and muscle growth.
• Low levels of several neurochemicals: serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine and cortisol.
• Low levels of phosphocreatine and adenosine, muscle-cell chemicals. "

MISGUIDED ADVICE: Take an aspirin [or some other NSAID]
FM is not an inflammatory condition, so such medications are of little value. If any pain reduction is noted, it is likely arthritis or another inflammatory conditions pain that is being reduced. Fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder that is often seen in tandem with arthritis, lupus and other joint, muscle problems.

MISGUIDED ADVICE: Get over it!!!!
If you are a fibro sufferer that is what you truly would like to do. You would like to ‘get over’ this obstacle to enjoying life to the fullest, but you need help.
 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO, IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE FIBROMYALGIA

• Have a thorough physical to rule out other disease states.
• Make sure your health professional has experience with the diagnostics and protocols addressing fibromyalgia, or is willing to refer to a practitioner who does. In addition to a trigger point assessment, there is a test called an APA Assay. This assay has been shown to be a reliable indicator of Fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, this Assay is approved for use in Europe, but not in the USA. USA-based physicians can request the use of this test for research purposes. Go to www.autoimmune.com for details.
• Discuss medical options to address pain, fatigue and sleep issues. Be sure to ask about the potential side effects. 
• Consider complementary therapies. Acupuncture, massage therapist nutrition and supplementation have been show to alleviate the symptoms for some.
• Maintain a healthy diet. Sweet or fatty foods can increase inflammation and decrease energy. This only compounds the challenges FM presents.
• Find a support group. Surrounding yourself with people who understand, can help you to cope with the daily challenges of living with FM.

To find my column and other stories of encouragement and empowerment for women visit www.aawmag.com

Breaking deeply embedded habits is hard even when you are ‘ready to roll’. It’s impossible if you are half-hearted. In order to successfully navigate the process of change you must be firmly committed to making a change, not just wishfully hoping for one.

The commitment to change goes through several stages. Whether you are trying to quit smoking, lose weight or stop shouting at your kids, the stages are predictable. If you understand the stage you are in, there are strategies to move you to the next stage.

By way of illustration –  Let’s say your doctor is telling you, you better lose weight or you are likely to die young.

The “Uh, Whatever” stage.  At this stage, you haven’t yet decided to make a change. You might in theory agree with your doctor, but are not convinced that this is what you want to do, NOW!  As they say, “the advice goes in one ear, and out the other.”  It usually takes an outside influence [i.e. encouraging spouse, an intervention or evidence of a disease] to move you to the next stage.

Strategy to move you to the next stage: If  the doctor’s advice is ringing in your ears loud enough to inspire an ‘openness’ to change, make a list of the reasons why you should lose weight and a list of the reasons why you should not. Unless the ‘reasons to change’ stir you more than your ‘reasons NOT to change’, you are unlikely to move to the next stage.

The “Well-maybe” stage.  This stage is similar to the previous stage, but it hits closer to the bone. At this stage you are thinking seriously about making a change, but wondering whether it’s worth the pain. If the future pleasure of having a fit body and healthy lifestyle  is not perceived as greater than the present pain of the weight loss process, change is unlikely to occur.

Strategy to move you to the next stage: Identify the pain. Let’s say you think it will be too painful to give up your dessert in the evenings. You could put together an action plan where you can ‘have your cake and eat it too’, so to speak. Purchase a recipe book with healthy sugar-free desserts and choose a couple that will satisfy your palate without doing much damage. The key is  to ‘do something.’ and revise as you go. Moving in the right direction, will reinforce moving in the right direction

The “I’m ready to roll, now what do I do?” stage. This is the time to research options for reaching your goals. Gather your tools and begin to implement a plan. You can construct a self-directed action plan, but it is helpful to find a coach or a support group to guide and reinforce your commitment

Strategy to move you to the next stage: Outline the basic actions you need to take to  reach your weight loss goal. Invest in the tools and coaching you need to help you get and stay on track with the plan.

Beware. Do not get stuck in the ‘research’ mode seeking the perfect option for you. Research is a handy tool for procrastination. It is a painless way to make you ‘feel productive’ without actually producing anything. Choose a sensible action plan and move forward.. If down the road you need to make revisions, do so.

The “oops, I blew it.” stage… Throughout the process of change there will be moments of messing up. Falling off the wagon, whatever you want to call it. Your ability to learn from the relapses and get back on track will be the determining factor in your ongoing success. It is also important to forgive yourself and recognize, no one is perfect.

Strategy to recovery from a relapse: Think through what caused you to stumble. Perhaps you had developed the habit of coming home after work, opening a bag of chips and a soda as you sink into the sofa to watch TV. When you come home from work you begin to salivate in anticipation of chips and a soda. You feel irresistibly drawn to the sofa.

Develop a pleasant alternative. For example, when you arrive home have a health-oriented magazine by the sofa and sit and read as you savor a healthy snack. It will take an act of will for the first few days, but eventually you will rewire your response to walking in the door.

The “Wow. I’m doing it!” stage: As you reach each goal, your self-confidence will increase. The new habits are beginning to form. It still takes conscious effort, but you are becoming more habituated to the healthy lifestyle that will lead to your ultimate goal: weight loss.

Strategy to move you to the next stage: Continue to solidify an environment that supports your goal. Have the good stuff in the kitchen and the bad stuff in the dumpster. Buy a few pairs of sweats  so you always have a clean pair for exercising. Reward yourself for sticking to your plan.

The “This is who I am and this is what I do.” stage: The lifestyle has formed. Your inner coach is keeping you on track. You are not dependent on the guidance or encouragement of an outside source to maintain your new habits. You know what to do, and you are doing it.

Strategy to keep you on track: Celebrate your success, but anticipate your vulnerabilities and develop an action plan for overcoming them.  The key to an ongoing lifestyle change is to have ‘grace in the journey.” No one is perfect. But, don’t use grace as an excuse for ongoing indulgence. Get back on track quickly. If you need support of a coach or support group to get you back on track, go for it.

SUGGESTED READING TO DEEPEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE PROCESS OF CHANGE. Changing for Good by James Prochaska, the author studies individuals who successfully broke a bad habit and identified what sets them apart from those who were unsuccessful.

Most successful founders are no strangers to chaos and stress. In fact, they learned how to deal with it gracefully at a very young age.

If you’ve never founded a company, rest assured it never happens as elegantly and smoothly as articles in Inc. and other business magazines or case studies suggest. In fact, the process can be downright dysfunctional—which is why, if you happen to come from a dysfunctional family, you’re probably better prepared for start-up life than most.

Founding a company is a sheer act of will and tenacity in the face of immense skepticism from everyone—investors, customers, friends, family, and employees, to name a few. The founder takes his or her vision of the opportunity—one only she may see—and assembles financing, a team, a product, and marketing to execute against all rational odds. And that’s just to get started.

Next come the daily crises of product development and acquiring early customers. And life gets really interesting when the reality of product development and customer input collide, the facts change, the business model changes, and stuff happens.

Anyone who can’t manage chaos and uncertainty, isn’t totally oriented for action, and has no sense of urgency, is in the wrong business. Very often, if a founder is waiting around for someone else to tell him what to do, the company is near death.

Great founders live for chaotic moments. But who the heck are they, and where do they come from? How do you find—or, better, create—individuals who operate serenely in chaos, and know when to punt, duck, or even run for cover? How do you find people who can focus relentlessly for days on end, without being distracted by the noise around them? Are these skills teachable? I don’t think so. But they’re learnable—and often taught too damn well to children raised in dysfunctional families. In many ways, the environment of the dysfunctional family is quite similar to that of a start-up.

Wired for chaos

Whether the cause is drugs, alcohol, unemployment, or worse, fighting and abusive behavior are often the norm in dysfunctional families. While most children are hurt badly in the process, some whose brain chemistry and wiring is set for resilience come out of this with a compulsive, relentless, and tenacious drive to succeed. They have learned to function in a permanent state of chaos. And they have channeled all this into whatever activity they could find outside of the home: sports, business, or …entrepreneurship.

In almost every class of entrepreneurs I teach, I ask the question, and a staggering number of hands goes up each time(and that’s after I tell people to leave their hands down if they want to keep their childhood private). I’ve been surprised at the data. In this admittedly very unscientific survey of more than 1,000 students, I’ve found that between a quarter and half of those I consider “hard-core” entrepreneurs (working passionately to found a company) characterize their upbringing as less than benign. And lots of wildly successful founders I’ve met and worked with have acknowledged that they would have raised their own hands had they been in my classroom.

These are people who grew up in an environment where nothing was the same from day to day, where the only predictable thing was unpredictability. And somehow, each day, the resilient ones make order out of total chaos, just as most start-up CEOs do each day.

The dysfunctional family theory may also explain why founders who excel in the chaotic early phases of a company throw organizational hand grenades into their own companies after they find a repeatable and scalable business model that’s “humming,” which is often not the climate in which they do best. Repeatability represents the extreme discomfort zone for some entrepreneurs, who then try to create chaos— “it’s too calm around here”—and actually self-destruct.

Is this you?

If you just said to yourself, “Oh my gosh, this is me,” beware. Your dysfunctional childhood may serve you well in some respects but not all. Think about the things you need to do to compensate for your upbringing. Obviously, slowing down is not one of those things. But do consider:

• How good are you at giving clear, consistent direction to those around you?
• When you’re blocking out “noise” or chaos, are you keeping an ear tuned to things that may be important to you, your company, and your people?
• Do you really listen to people, or do you jump to conclusions about what they’ll say?
• Do you get frustrated, bored, or worse when things seem to be running smoothly? How do you “control” yourself when it’s going well?
• Do you react differently to people who might remind you of your younger days? How can you adjust your attitude toward them?

Maintaining good work/life balance and family relations is tough enough on entrepreneurs today. So please, whatever you do, inspire your offspring to be great entrepreneurs without the “dysfunctional family” approach.

Steve Blank

Steve Blank is a retired Silicon Valley serial entrepreneur-turned-educator who developed the Customer Development methodology that changes the way start-ups are "built." His book, "The Four Steps to the Epiphany," launched the Lean Startup movement. He teaches the methodology and his "Lean Launch Pad" class at UC Berkeley, Stanford, and Columbia, and as part of the National Science Foundation Innovation Corps. He blogs about entrepreneurship at www.steveblank.com.

To read my monthly wellness column go to www.aawmag.com
To order my reccommended Life and Wellness Coaching Guide click here.

Estrogen is the hormone that defines women as women. It gives us our curves. It makes us feel sexy.  It plays an important role in the conception of our offspring. It lifts and stabilizes our moods. It helps to keep our minds sharp and our hearts strong.

During menopause, women experience a decrease in estrogen. This can lead to low sex drive, memory problems, fatigue, depression and irritability. It can also lead to osteoporosis and heart disease. 

One classic annoying symptoms associated with this dip in estrogen is known as the ‘hot flash’.  Though not as deadly as porous bones and plaque-encrusted arteries, hot flashes can make life miserable.

Hot flashes originate in the portion of your brain that controls the perception of heat, cold, pain and pleasure.  A dip in estrogen causes the internal core temperature to see-saw. First it drops and then it rises.  There is a flash of heat, followed by a flushed face and perspiration in the upper body. Some experience an ‘aura’, dizziness, a racing heart or anxiety. The flash will last approximately 5 minutes. 

For many, hot flashes can be managed with a few minutes of fierce fanning. For others hot flashes come in unrelenting waves of heat, tempting its victims to strip naked and jump in a freezer.  

Unfortunately there is no way to predict whether you will be plagued by these ‘blow torch’ moments for weeks, month or years.  But it is possible to find a safe and effective way to control them—and get on with your life! Here are some things you might try.

AVOID THE TRIGGERS: Reduce the things you need to reduce anyway: smoking, eating sugary foods, drinking coffee or alcohol in excess. These bad habits can trigger hot flashes.  [Note: Some good things like spicy foods and sex also trigger hot flashes. ]

CULTIVATE SERENITY:   Stretching and slow, deep breathing exercises relieve stress, and also decreases the incidence and duration of hot flashes.

GET POKED: Acupuncture [the pain-free use of needles] has been shown to curb the severity of hot flashes and the mood swings of menopause.

TAKE HERBS: Some herbal blends might be helpful including:  Dong Quai, chaste-tree berry, black cohosh, red clover, American ginseng, and milk thistle.  Herbal supplements can react negatively with some medications, so consulting with your health professional is important.

DRINK WATER AND WEAR COOL CLOTHING: Keep a glass of water by the bed; drinking water can cool down night sweats. Dress in layers. When you sense an impending hot flash, peel off some clothes.

If your hot flashes persist, you might want to discuss hormone replacement therapy (HRT) of bio-identical hormone replacement therapy [BHRT] with a knowledgeable health care professional.

Don’t lose heart. Hot flashes can be managed, and in time, they will subside.

Bonnie Church is a certified life and wellness coach. She is the co-author of the TLS Shape Up  [a family wellness program system] and Coach Lydia’s No-Nonsense Guide to Getting Off Your Butt, Our of Your Rut and On with Your life.

For baby-boomers, there is both good news and bad news about the cognitive health of the aging brain. Brain researcher Gary Small from UCLA conveys the bad news first: "Reaction time is slower," he says. "It takes us longer to learn new information. Sometimes it takes us longer to retrieve information, so we have that tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon — where you almost have that word or that thought. That's typical of the middle-age brain."

As we age, our ability to multi-task diminishes. "We're quick, but we're sloppy when we're in middle-age. We make more errors when we're in middle age," says Small.

The Older, But Wiser, Brain

But Small has found that it's not all bad news. He points to a continued improvement in complex reasoning skills as we enter middle age. Small suggests that this increase may be due to a process in the brain called "myelination." Myelin is the insulation wrapped around brain cells that increases their conductivity — the speed with which information travels from brain cell to brain cell. And the myelination doesn't reach its peak until middle age. By this point, says Small, "the neuro-circuits fire more rapidly, as if you're going from dial-up to DSL." Complex reasoning skills improve, and we're able to anticipate problems and reason things out better than when we were young.

And, Small adds, there's another area of improvement as we age: empathy — the ability to understand the emotional point of view of another. Empathy increases as we age.

'Your Brain On Google'

One of the great discoveries from recent neuroscience research is that the human brain is always changing, from moment to moment and throughout life. It continues to develop, and even continues to grow new brain cells.

"An old myth in neuroscience," says Small, "is that once a brain cell dies off you can't replace it." But many studies have now shown, he adds, that there is, in fact, brain cell growth throughout life. So, he says, the brain can continue to learn throughout the middle age years and beyond.

In a recent study that Small refers to as "your brain on Google," healthy, middle-aged volunteers, all novices on the computer, were taught how to do a Google search. They were told then to practice doing online searches for an hour a day, for seven days. After the week's practice, the volunteers came back into Small's lab and had their brains scanned while doing a Google search.

The scans revealed significant increases in brain activity in the areas that control memory and decision-making.

"The area of the brain that showed the increases was the frontal lobe, the thinking brain, especially in areas that control decision making and working memory," Small says. One interpretation of his findings, he says, is that with practice, a middle-age brain can very quickly alter its neuron-circuitry, can strengthen the neuron circuits that control short-term memory and decision making.

Physical Fitness Helps Brain, Too

Research by neuroscientist Art Kramer, from the University of Illinois, highlights the plasticity — the ability to grow and change — of the aging brain. In his studies on physical exercise, Kramer has found that memory can improve with treadmill workouts. "Over a six-month to one-year period," Kramer says, "three days a week, working up to an hour a day, people improved in various aspects of both short-term and long-term memory."

After treadmill training, the "aging couch potatoes," as Kramer calls them, were given brain scans. Those who'd trained had larger hippocampi, the brain area key for memory. Other brain regions too — central for decision-making, planning and multi-tasking — were also larger in the treadmill exercisers. "There are a number of regions," says Kramer, "that on MRI scans tend to show not just stability but increases as a function of exercise in middle-age and older brains."

Such research studies underscore that both physical exercise and cognitive brain training contribute to brain health. And these two scientists not only talk the talk, they also, quite literally, walk the walk. Kramer, 56, goes to the gym four or five days a week, getting aerobic exercise on a stationary bike and strength training by lifting weights. Small, 58, does a New York Times crossword and numbers puzzle every morning, as well as a series of toning and stretching exercises and at least 20 minutes of aerobic exercise each day.

Another mark of a leader who practices humility is his or her treatment of others. Such leaders treat everyone with respect regardless of position. Years ago, I came across this reference: the sign of a gentleman is how he treats those who can be of absolutely no use to him.

Something interesting happens, too, when we approach situations from a perspective of humility: it opens us up to possibilities, as we choose open-mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view. We spend more time in that wonderful space of the beginner's mind, willing to learn from what others have to offer. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being perfect and we enjoy being in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions on practicing humility:

1. There are times when swallowing one's pride is particularly difficult and any intentions of humility fly out the window, as we get engaged in a contest of perfection, each side seeking to look good. If you find yourself in such no-win situations, consider developing some strategies to ensure that the circumstances don't lead you to lose your grace. Try this sometimes: just stop talking and allow the other person to be in the limelight. There is something very liberating in this strategy.
    
2. Here are three magical words that will produce more peace of mind than a week at an expensive retreat: "You are right."
    
3. Catch yourself if you benignly slip into over preaching or coaching without permission – is zeal to impose your point of view overtaking discretion? Is your correction of others reflective of your own needs?
    
4. Seek others' input on how you are showing up in your leadership path. Ask: "How am I doing?" It takes humility to ask such a question. And even more humility to consider the answer.
    
5. Encourage the practice of humility in your company through your own example: every time you share credit for successes with others, you reinforce the ethos for your constituents. Consider mentoring or coaching emerging leaders on this key attribute of leadership.

There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretence: it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages more openness and paradoxically, it enhances one's self-confidence. It opens a window to a higher self. For me, it replaces "windowsill" as the most beautiful word in the English language.

Copyright © 2006 by Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.